The Scale is Moving in a Downward Direction

Monday the scale read 252.0 so I'm moving in the right direction.

I just wrote for about a half and hour and then lost it all. I don't have the energy to post it again now but I'll get back to the thoughts later.

Right now I'm hungry and need to...eat! Yummy Lean Cusine. Chicken Carbonara tonight!

The Ante Had Been Up-ed

Three words, High School Reunion. My twentieth. I just got a "Friend Request" from our High School historian on Facebook today and I knew just why. I also got a message from her (surprise) and it was an announcement for...the reunion of course! I didn't go to my 10th and I had no desire to but for some reason I find myself wanting to go to this one. I haven't decided why I want to go. The reason I skipped my 10th had nothing to do with my appearance, I wasn't terribly overweight 10 years ago. I didn't want to go because I didn't like high school and I had no desire to revisit it. So I don't know why I want to go to this one. I think it's for the people. I think after 20 years I would like to see my friends again. Although, I don't need to "catch up" with any of them. I know quite a lot about their lives through Facebook! But it would be nice to hug them and have a bite to eat together. However, like probably at least 75% of the women I graduated with, I want to lose some weight before I even consider going!

And I don't care if I don't look like a runway model as I walk through the doors to the reunion, I'm a mother of 3 for crying out loud and my name ain't Heidi but........I don't want to look like a beached whale either. I want to look how they all thought I might look. I was 10-15 pounds overweight in High School, I don't think anyone would be surprised if I was 20-30 pounds overweight now but 100 pounds??? Yeah, I think that would be noticeable. . I just don't want anyone at the reunion to whisper to someone, "Can you believe how fat Abby got?"

So, this could be a good thing. A High School Reunion in my future could get me through some of the days where I just want to throw in the towel. An upcoming event like this could inspire me to keep going past the 220lb mark (in the past I've always had trouble getting down under 220 for some reason I always quit diets at this weight!). It could be helpful to have this pressure on me to lose weight. It's a gentle pressure. I'm not desperate to go to the reunion so if I feel comfortable with my weight, I won't go.

I guess we'll see.....

Mayday,...mayday...we are going down!

It kinda crept up on me slowly. About 11 am I was hungry. Not that big of a deal, lunch was around the corner but I didn't want to wait too long to eat so I had a snack. Then about 12:30 I wanted to eat again, I didn't feel hungry but I wanted to eat. I decided to wait until I felt hunger to eat. Good plan, right? About 1:30 I felt the burning at my midline that indicated my body would like some fuel. Also, I noticed myself feeling a bit anxious. Let me back up a bit to this morning to explain the anxiety....

This morning I read an article about Dr. Andrew Wakefield and the vaccine controversy. It really upset me and made me feel anxious. I won't go into details but I don't vaccinate my children the same way the AMA recommends and although I stand by that decision, every time I hear arguments on either side of the Vaccination Controversy I have to rehash my decision all over again. So I spent the morning searching the internet and reading articles on the pros and cons of vaccinations. The whole thing left me very anxious and feeling unresolved. I didn't realize until just now how this part of my morning is effecting me now.

Back to now....so I ate lunch, my allotted calories, and still felt hungry. Hungry and anxious. I racked my brain to come up with another alternative to eating more but couldn't. So I ate more of the same thing I ate for lunch. Still hungry and starting to crave sugar soooo, I made Warm Chocolate Soothers for the kids since it's 43 degrees outside and they are walking home from school and....yep, drank some myself. Here were my rationalizations:

• Chocolate soothers are good for you, it contains protein, low sugar and it's filling.
• It's a necessary evil for me to feel better.
• It's okay to fall off the wagon sometimes.
• I will hop right back on the wagon tonight.

I do feel better now after drinking it and I do think I can go on with my afternoon and get back on track but....I still don't think I handled this very well. As I sit here and type this I realize that I'm actually anxious about a few things currently and feel stuck in a few areas of my life. Maybe a better answer to the anxiety would have been to take action on some things or pray about my worries and give them to God. Hopefully I can remember this next time.

So, 1 fall off the wagon in the first week. It wasn't too bad. I did choose something healthy to fall off with, something that will build up my body instead of tear it down but.....it's still a deviation from my plan. Onward and upward! Leave the past here and get back on track!

PS If you have never had a Warm Chocolate Soother give it a try if it fits into your diet plans! It makes 4 servings and per serving contains 270 calories, 8 gms protein, 25% of your daily calcium. By the by I used Sparkpeople to figure out the calories.

Day 2 Bad! Day 3 Better.....

Yesterday was tough. I barely made it to the end with my diet in tact. But I did it! I felt tired, lethargic and grouchy. I had almost no energy and struggled with a bit of depression. I have bailed on many a diet on Day 2 and yesterday I remembered why. The first day it's exciting, the second day the real work begins. I had so many thoughts rationalizing why I should break my diet. How did I combat them? I prayed. And when I just couldn't take it anymore and thought I might burst I left the house and ran a quick errand for my husband. I sang praise songs in my car and lost myself in God's goodness. I reached out to God and He reached back. I felt so taken care of by our Heavenly Father.

Today was much better. I stepped on the scale this morning for a little encouragement (I usually lose 5-8 pounds in the first week of a diet. I don't try to lose that much in one week it just happens.) Three pounds in 3 days! Not bad, it definitely gave me an emotional boost. But also, I think some of the sugar and rich foods have passed through my system and I was feeling better, not so down.

Three pounds down I haven't even started exercising yet! Well, not officially. I went for a short walk with my daughter (who's 3 so it wasn't a big workout) yesterday. Today, I went for a longer walk while my daughter rode her bike which is more work. In the next few days I will start really exercising. More on that later....

So, I have made it 3 days and counting. I feel good and I think I have a real shot at achieving a healthy weight this time. I've been looking at my Weistory (weight history) and I have learned a lot from looking at my weights and struggles. I think I will blog my weight history soon so I can pick it apart further and learn even more I hope. Learn things about myself that will help in the future as I work towards health.

Signing off for tonight. I have a yummy whole milk yogurt to eat for dessert and then it's off to bed!

One Day Down (well, almost down)

Day one of my weight loss diet. It went alright, there were parts that were very tough to get through. I bailed on the "one day at a time" way of thinking and switched to "one minute at at time!" I did manage to follow my plan but I could have made it a bit easier on myself. I did the stupidest thing last night and stayed up way too late watching a movie I didn't even enjoy. I wound up getting only about 5 hours sleep and being that tired makes me....yep, hungry. And not just hungry but hungry for junk and especially sugar. I've read up on on Adrenal Fatigue and I know I have been battling it off and on since my 3rd child was born so I should have known better than to make myself extra tired before I start restricting my diet and cutting out sugar!

But I survived, diet in tact....I did have to use my Parachute Plan already and ate a Balance Bar at 10am to keep myself from going to the best donut shop in Elk Grove but that's what the Parachute Plan is for right? I had to white knuckle it and hit the gas as I pasted the Donut shop but I made it!

I did take "Before" pictures of myself today but I don't really want to post them until there is the first set of "After" pictures. Maybe in 25-30 pounds I'll post pics of Today's lovely photos with some that show my progress. Nobody wants to see just the "Before" do they?

Here are my other stats I measured today that I'm keeping to track my progress:

Weight: 256.5
Waist: 45 inches

I didn't really want to post those beginning stats either without something to show progress but it seems important to be honest about how much I really weigh. I often forget how big I am until my knee starts to hurt or I have to put forth a lot of effort just to get up off the floor. I wasn't this size for the first half of my life and even though I have always been an overweight as an adult most of the time I've averaged about 30-40lbs less than I am now. And then there's always age....I did weigh 250 about 8 years ago and I gotta tell you, it was easier to be this big then! My feet used to hurt but not my back and my knees too! I could get up and down off the floor pretty good 8 years ago. The big 4-O is closing in on me in the next couple of years and being this heavy I'm sure feelin' it!

So, I have Beached Whale Before photos, a starting weight and a waist measurement. I kept true to the diet plan I laid out for myself all day (yee haw!). Now what? Oh, I know, exercise! I do have a plan for that too. I was going to start today but I'm so tired from watching that stupid movie until midnight that my eyes are currently blurring this screen so I think I'll start that up tomorrow....I'll let you know how it goes!

Happy New Year!

I have the most cliche New Year's resolution in the world this year.....I want to lose a few pounds. Well, more than a few. If I can do it, really do it and get the weight off I need to in order to be healthy, I will need to shed about 100 pounds.

I don't know if I can do it, I'm scared to try again after so many years of failures but I have to keep trying. I want a more active life, one where my knees and back don't hurt constantly. I want to shop outside the "plus" section of department stores. I want to explore hobbies and interests beyond what's on my plate. I want to be a good example for my 3 beautiful children. I want to avoid disease where I can and be here for my grandchildren.

I have a plan to shed the weight. It's a plan that I made up by piecing information together from other diet and exercise plans. I've spent years thinking about and processing the specific reasons why I eat too much. I formulated a plan that would work and it actually has worked well for me before. I will talk about what happened the last time I used this plan and why I think it will work now in another post, but today, on New Year's Day 2011, I just want to introduce my new blog and outline the first Stage of my plan. My plan is in 3 stages, I will start with Stage One on Monday January 3rd, 2011.

Stage One:

Breakfast: eggs, oatmeal or granola and fruit**
Lunch: Lean Cuisine, salad
Dinner: Lean Cuisine, salad or extra veges
Snacks: 2 per day of unlimited fruit & veges with 4oz whole milk yogurt or 1 handful of nuts, 1 T. peanut butter or 1-2oz of cheese.

**I don't list specific amounts because I have never had a problem with overeating at breakfast

I also have what I call my Parachute Plan. What is that? Well, it's what I have planned for what I will eat when I feel like I'm losing control. It's a last resort thing. It's when I've tried to talk myself out of eating, when I prayed, when I've tried changing activities, chewed gum, etc, etc. It's for those times (mostly hormonal, monthly times) when I'm about to lose focus on my goal, go through the nearest drive-thru and order the biggest meal they have. In the past I found that there is only one healthy thing that I can eat that will satisfy the craving in a healthy way. I will keep a few Luna Bars and Balance Bars on hand for these times. The chocolate in these bars satisfies the craving and the protein seems to fill me up and keep me from binging.My goal with this stage of my meal plan is to get my portions under control. Last year I found that even when I ate healthy foods I ate too much of them and couldn't lose much weight. Having pre-made meals that are tasty and portioned out for me really helps keep me on track. My plan is to utilize this meal plan from now until my birthday in February. At that time I will evaluate my plan, decide if it's working and whether or not I'm ready for Stage 2 where I start portioning my own meals.

I hope this blog will help me stay on track. I also hope this can be a place of inspiration for those who struggle with their weight. I would like to post other people's stories on this blog of how they overcame obesity. If you are in process of losing weight or have lost weight successfully I would love to post your story here! If you invented your own method of weight loss that worked for you I'd love to post that here too. You can email me stories of weight loss success and original methods of weight loss at storiesfromthescale@gmail.com.